Aug 22

It’s my view and I’m NOT sticking to it!

Have you ever considered that you have a certain view of life, and it’s that view that makes you happy or sad?  Did you ever stop to wonder if that voice in your head is right?  What if you questioned everything you ever thought about yourself? bart simpson voices

I’m pretty sure that the voice in my head has been lying to me for years.  It’s actually still lying to me.  The only difference is that now I don’t always believe it.  When I think about what I could do and what I could have if I didn’t believe the voice, there’s no doubt that I would be better off.

I’m not lovable

My voice tells me that I’m not lovable and I don’t deserve to be happy.  Wow… that’s a real downer, isn’t it?  You would think that I had done something really terrible to be unlovable, wouldn’t you?  And who doesn’t deserve to be happy?  Adolf Hitler maybe, but certainly not me.

Before you start feeling sorry for me, it’s not necessary.  I’m actually quite fortunate.  I know that I have a voice in my head that’s telling me a lie.  Well, that’s not exactly right either.  All it is is a viewpoint.  There are 2 sides to every view.  Therefore, one view is that I’m unlovable and the other view is that I’m lovable.  The problem arises when I believe the one and don’t consider the other.  If I admit to myself that being unlovable is only one view, then I have to consider that being lovable is another view.

The question now is, am I willing to give up my view?  It’s the view that I’ve been holding onto very tightly for a long time, so I’m comfortable with it.  Isn’t that crazy?  I’m comfortable with something that’s keeping me lonely and unhappy.  But at least it’s familiar.  Argh!argh

I am so lucky that I can see my view.  Can you see yours?  Whether you want to admit it or not, we all have voices in our heads telling us something about ourselves.  Have you noticed that you have a running commentary going on in your head?  If you don’t, I want to meet you because you are enlightened.  But the rest of us are stuck with the commentary.  We don’t have a choice whether it’s there, but we do have a choice whether we listen to it and whether we believe it.

The relevance to your health

So, what does this have to do with Health Coaching? Everything!  The voice is telling us what to do constantly.  It tells us to eat the piece of cheesecake and it helps us rationalize why we should do it.  It tells us things like “who are you kidding?  You’re never going to be thin so why bother trying?”  Then it  tells us that we should be proud of being “full-figured”.  I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with being full-figured, but don’t use it as a rationalization for being overweight.  Being overweight is simply unhealthy.

Just so you know, I’m not making any of this up.  There are numerous books about the thoughts in our heads.  I actually got this down to my bones through participating in the Landmark Forum.  There’s nothing like it to have you see the hundreds, if not millions of viewpoints that we’ve constructed as a way of dealing with life.  There’s so much freedom when you realize that they’re all just viewpoints.

If my being unlovable is a possible viewpoint, then being lovable is also a possible viewpoint.  I know it’s crazy, but if I have a choice (which I do) then I’m going to choose to view myself as lovable.  If I’m lovable, then someone, or everyone, can love me.  It makes something besides being alone possible.

Let’s try another example.  I have more than enough views to use.  I have the view that I don’t deserve to be happy.  I don’t know where it came from and it doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that I’ve believed it all my life.  And what matters more is that I don’t have to believe it.  The view that I do deserve to be happy is equally valid and so much more appealing.  I choose that! choosing

I used to have a voice in my head that craved sugar.  It told me that I had to have something sweet after every meal.  I told myself that it was okay to eat a piece of candy after every meal.  It used to be one piece of candy after dinner, but then I added a piece after lunch and even after breakfast.  What’s the big deal about 3 pieces of candy?  That seemed reasonable to me.  At some point, one piece wasn’t enough, so it became 2 or 3.  That was still okay with my voice.  After all, my voice said, you don’t have any other vices.  You have to have at least one vice.  What’s the point of being alive if you can’t enjoy a piece of candy when you want it?  I agreed.

What’s running your life?  You or your voice?

The voice was running my life.  I could even argue that the voice was ruining my life.  There’s no free will when the voice is running the show.  But don’t we think that we’re exercising our free will?  Don’t fool yourself.  There’s nothing free about being a slave of the voice.

What can you do about your voice?  Recognize it.  Validate it.  Thank it for sharing its view.  See if there’s another possible view that is more empowering to you.  Choose the one you want to listen to.  And then look into the Landmark Forum.  I promise you’ll see what’s stopping you from having the things you want in life.  You can start with creating a healthy lifestyle and then create anything else your heart desires.  You could adopt the view that the sky’s the limit!skys the limitI would love to hear from you.  Please leave a comment below.  Do you agree or disagree?  Do you know what your voice is telling you?  What do you choose?

Thanks for being here.

I love you,








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  1. Michael

    I really like your post. It is informative and makes me think about those little voices that told me to give up long ago on my dreams, saying that I would never accomplish them anyways. If I had listened to that view point, I would not be where I am now. Thank you.

    1. Alice

      Hi Michael, that’s great that you didn’t listen to those little voices. They are not our friends, are they? Thanks for coming to my website and please come back again.

  2. Robert

    We all have an inner voice which I know can be tamed and shaped/guided to say what is right, even when it wants and does say the wrong things at times. But one must remember that there are always alternatives to everything. Like when I got cancer and I refused to do chemo, radiation or surgery and opted for one of the many natural cancer cures. Six months later I was cancer free and now 14 years later I am still as healthy as I can be.

    Then about a year ago I was 25 pounds overweight and that voice said you are not going to reach your goal weight. So I did the opposite of what it told me and adopted an almost vegetarian diet only eating lean meat twice a week that was either turkey, venison, or wild salmon. Not only did I lose 25 pounds, I lost 10 extra and my cravings for beef, chicken, and pork. Like they say, “mind over matter.”

    1. Alice

      Good for you, Robert. You are a living example of what we can do when we don’t listen to the voice in our head. Thanks so much for sharing. You are a true inspiration!

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